Quick on the Trigger
by Rinslet
Summary: There was a frighteningly familiar icy calmness in his voice when he interrupted her "No, not self-defense. Reflexes. It is a sad universe we live in, Siha, where one's existence can be decided by how well he or she reacts at gunpoint..." post-game
1. One

This story will contain references to my other Thane related ME fics, but small enough that new readers don't have to go read them. There will be four chapters.

English is not my first, nor my second language...

**Summary: **"It was self-defense, Thane. You-" He shook his head slowly and there was a frighteningly familiar icy calmness in his voice when he interrupted her "No, not self-defense. Reflexes. It is a sad universe we live in, siha, where one's existence is decided by how well he or she reacts at gunpoint." Post-game.

* * *

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.

He remembers her as Shepard before she became _siha_

Commander before Shepard

Soldier before Commander

The human, armed to the teeth, who walked into the Dantius building, yelling and waving orders to her subordinates.

And his memory of her ends there.

Everything else was right here in the Cerberus-issued datapad he held in his hand. Miranda had been very thorough; every one of the Shepard's exploits were written down in details with precise side notes about her psych profile that would put the _Normandy_'s yeoman to shame. Thane was impressed of its content. He noted numerous near death experiences that could be counted on more than all the crew's hands combined, and still Shepard didn't _die_. She was a survivor.

His eyes lingered on the entries longer than necessary for him to remember them, but something compelled him to still his gaze, as if the mystery that was Shepard would unfold itself under Miranda's profiling and he would discover other aspects of her life that she has yet to reveal to him.

ENTRY 009: Subject's aversion towards Cerberus is palpable, and I am still set on believing that a control chip should have been installed to keep it under control_

ENTRY 035: I am relieved that when faced with the threat of the Reapers, her sense of duty is strong enough that she is willing to put aside the animosity for the moment until the matter is resolved_

ENTRY 074: The Commander has expressed an interest in one of the recruits from Illium, the Assassin. An unprofessional attitude that may very well cost us the mission. I will further observe the situation in wait to see if intervention is necessary_

ENTRY 283: My concern about the relationship between Shepard and Thane has been put to ease. She knows well how to juggle between the many aspects of her life and makes no room for error. Her performance on the battlefield seems to have changed for the better; she is less reckless. There is a softness in her eyes that had not been there when she first awoke. It has also come to my attention that Thane's demeanor differs from the time he was recruited on Illium. My previous impression of him was that of a dead man walking, like he had abandoned all sense of self, but now I can see that he has found something that drives him to live no matter what. They need one another to keep themselves alive. It is comforting to know that even in the dark corners of space, some good can still be found out here_

He dropped the datapad on the bed and looked down on the woman that was sleeping soundly on her side, unmoving. A small smile brightened his feature before it quickly disappeared, chased by an unpleasant memory. He slowly crept closer quietly as not to wake her and laid down behind her, leaning the side of his face onto her back. His hand came resting on the curve of her waist before he closed his eyes, listening.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. _

A steady beat. Rythmic. Alive.

He doesn't know what machinery Cerberus implanted into her body, only that this sound is real.

_Thump._

It wouldn't

_Thump._

Slow

_Thu-_

Down

_Stop. _

_/Eyes rolling to the back of her skull. The sun setting one last time over the ocean, before dark waters swallows it whole. A last breeze on my cheek…/_

"Thane?"

He blinked out of his state, inhaling sharply before he remembered that he was not on Kahje.

Whether she suspected that he has been lost in memory mere seconds ago, it didn't carry in her voice "Listening to my heartbeat?"

"It's a beautiful sound, siha."

She turned on her back and looked at him sideways, eyes twinkling "Yeah."

He propped himself onto his elbows, eyeing her quite seriously "You gave me quite a scare today siha, with the stunt you pulled. I was afraid I might never get to hear this sound again."

"Sorry… but at least things turned out fine. No casualties."

"That wound on your leg says otherwise."

"Bah, it's numb now. I don't feel a thing."

The drell sat up and pulled the bed sheets aside. His eyes followed the net of scars that covered the side of her thigh. "It will leave a scar" he said matter-of-factly, and his remark was dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Well, it won't be the first, and certainly not the worst. Though you can't see my old ones anymore. Cerberus took them all away…" He watched her hands move absently over her skin, like tracing a story under her fingers. Her body was no mystery to him by now; every inch worshiped, savored and stored in his perfect memory. There were indeed no other scars.

"Show me, siha."

She looked at him for a long time before reaching for his hands and guiding them over her body.

He reveled in her memories.

.

A scar across her nose. Above her brow. Around her shoulder blade. Embedded on her stomach. Indented in her thigh. Burned on her back.

Bullets. Burns. Knife wounds. Hasty stitches. Shrapnel. Lasers. Punctures.

Husks. Turians. Mercenaries. Asaris. Krogans. Rachnis. Humans. Salarians. Techs. Reaper.

.

When she finally let go of his hands, he gently nudged her to lay back and buried his face in her skin, seeking the comforting sound once more. "Don't die, siha" he knew that it was wishful thinking, considering their professions and criminal activities going rampant in the galaxy, but he would see to its fulfillment while he drew breath. It was a fair draw, one that would keep her alive, if not happy; he would die for her, she would live for him.

"I won't let you become a memory."

Her breathing stilled for two seconds before she wrapped her arms around him tightly. He can't see the expression she wore on her face, but her voice was filled with conviction when she promised him that she won't be the trigger that will pull him back into battle sleep.

"I'll live for you, Thane. So stay, with me."


	2. Two

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"An infested creepy tunnel under Omega that would likely guide us to someone who _actually_ believes in the Reapers and has information for us? The signs are all there, Shepard; it's a trap." Years spent buried under mountains of papers and red tape as a C-sec officer had sharpened the turian's bullshit detector and she couldn't help but grin at his remark. "Aria told us as much. But it's better if we face this now than let another poor bloke fall for it. Besides," she nodded her head towards the entrance, prompting him to follow her in "the calibrations of the _Normandy_ are damn fine, Garrus. You need to go out once in a while. I swear, if you ever say that you need to double-check them again, I'll show you how optimized her firing algorithms are." The geth accompanying them piped in "We have examined the weaponry. Scanners show that calculations are off by 0.000023 percent of maximum capability" to which the turian replied "Yeah, well byte me."

"Geth do not bite."

"You know, for all the time you spent observing humans, you certainly are not above improvement regarding learning their culture."

"We do not understand."

"Yeah, well, spend enough time around Shepard and you'll wish you'd packed extra bandwidth to keep up with her."

Leaving the two to banter among themselves, Mordin caught up to the Commander who was leading, followed closely by the drell. "Shepard. Want to talk. News of your return cause stirs among people. Some believe you, but no means to fight in front line. No guns. No power. Think other ways to help you. Fall for these traps. May result in many casualties. Good plan, start with your followers. Lucky that Aria picked up on this first one so quickly and contact us."

Thane's expression turned dark and his pace quickened to match hers "I know this method very well... And with your growing popularity, Shepard, I have no doubt that you might find yourself in a difficult situation. You won't be able to protect everyone."

Shepard nodded gravely "Yeah. I can think of some bastards who would stoop this low. That's why I'm checking it out. And-" she trailed off and shot a quick look at her two comrades, then at Garrus and Legion who had also quieted down, looking ready. Combat instincts kicking in, Shepard pulled out her pistol and vaulted over a crate "Get to cover!"

A wave of bullets whizzed past their heads as a small group of mercenaries ambushed them. One of them, the leader she presumed, raised an arm in sign of cease-fire before addressing himself to her group.

"You're Shepard aren't you? The hero of Citadel graces us with her presence! We heard there was an Informant here with data that might interest you."

The commander peeked over her cover "And what interest do _you_ have in him?"

"Information is money. There are those who would be willing enough to pay good credits to get them. Real or not, if you're interested in it, then so are we. Though this one proved himself quite stubborn... but I'm sure that by the time I'm done talking, my men will have extracted everything we need from him. And with you in the addition, I'll be certain to add more zeroes into the price tag" He turned to his subordinates "We take her in alive! Kill the others!"

.

In all her combats, Shepard had noticed a common mistake among her enemies; they have a tendency to deliver really long speeches. Had they even considered what her teammates were doing while they were caught up into their own elocution? She had no doubt that in between the enemy's words, Garrus' mind has already thought up several tactical vantage points to set up their kill zone while Thane's proficiency located every one of their weak points. Legion's FTL calculations provided them the enemies' formation and Mordin was probably thinking of the next project he was going to work on in his lab.

Her group advanced efficiently without missing a beat, unleashing never ending waves of bullets, biotic and techs powers on the mercs. It was over too soon.

Or maybe not.

A lone batarian suddenly leaped out of his hiding and charged directly at Thane. "You'll pay for what you've done!"

Rifle in hand, the newcomer on the battlefield had not even managed two steps before honed instincts took over the assassin. Thane dived forward.

_Five meters._

Twist. Warp.

_Three meters._

Step. Turn.

_One meter._

Pull out gun.

_Three centimeters._

Point blank. Shoot.

The batarian fell back, dead.

Garrus blinked before he set his sniper down, a mixture of surprise and confusion on his face. "Well…that was odd."

Legion's upper plate mirrored his expression. "Denouncing presence with a battlecry. We do not understand why one would take course of action that would haste deletion," it zoomed in on Mordin "A batarian way of fighting?" The salarian shook his head "Behavior shows lack of experience. Based on body morphology and voice depth, not reached adulthood. Recruited when still young. Unsurprising."

"Didn't think mercs were desperate enough to start recruiting in kindergarten…" the ex C-sec officer snorted.

Thane knelt down and flipped the body over, inspecting it. "Armor quality barely meets standard and too big for him. Too many openings. And this one hasn't held a gun in his life." He held up the limp hand, devoid of calluses or any other significant markings, bringing an end to the discussion. His gaze dropped to the ground.

Shepard narrowed her eyes and hesitated for a moment before she stowed away her sidearm "Garrus, scout ahead."

Her order was met with a long look before the turian nodded in understanding and addressed himself to the other two companions "You two. With me." Whether they suspected something or not, she was grateful that Mordin and Legion didn't voice it aloud and followed Garrus. When they disappeared around the corner, she made sure that they were out of earshot then muted the output system of her com-link. She then approached the lone figure crouched next to the batarian, looking solemn "What couldn't you say in front of the others, Thane?" He was not surprised that she has caught on to his thoughts.

He shifted aside and pointed. Her attention immediately darted to the insignia on the chestplate. It was hand painted in clumsy way, not projecting an once of the glory it was probably meant to reflect.

"I have seen this before"

She wiped the sweat off her brow, frowning at this new information that would either complicate things or shed light on the situation. "When?"

_/ He limps away, broken bones and missing fingers. Begs me to end the pain. But I do not listen. He has to suffer for what he's done. I grab his arm, a bright orange insignia blazed across his plate. A crest. It is insignificant. Unimportant. He is the _last_. I drag his body to the edge- /_

A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder, pulling him out of his trance. His gaze flew back up to her worried face. The next words came out slowly, testing the waters. "Irikah's killers... they wore this insignia. Though none of them should have been left alive…" Her grip on him tightened slightly, making sure that he was still there, to which he reassured with a quick nod and then gently pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen across her eyes. It distracted her enough that he could pry himself away from her.

"...A fan?"

His hands searched through the batarian's pockets and felt a flat object collide against his fingers. He inhaled deeply at the sight of the holo that he pulled out. "Worse. A son. No, a surrogate. They didn't have any family."

"Coincidence?"

"No, I saw the way he charged at me. He was looking for me. He knew you would lead him to me eventually…"

"Is there a risk that they would send more after you?"

He stood up slowly "No, there shouldn't have been anyone left to remember them now. I... took care of _all_ of them," he straightened up and clasped his hands behind his back "No one will reclaim the body."

Garrus' footsteps interrupted them when he came back alone, discharging a thermal clip. "We have found the informant. The mercs roughed him up a bit," he shifted his stance, looking perplexed for once, "This... might seem like the genuine stuff, Shepard... but something is unsettling."

"A feeling in your gut?"

"Yeah. The space is too open, too risky for us if other mercs decide to join in. A poor choice of location to meet up if you ask me. Buckethead is making sure there's no surprise around, but there is something interfering with our radar... Something isn't right, Shepard."

"What about our guy?"

"Left him with the Professor and Tinman. Mordin assures me he'll make it. Rather than folding my hands over my gut and wait for someone to deliver the punch, I'd rather make sure I armor it first; let me go take position on the catwalks, Commander, just in case."

A pinging sound drew their attention before Legion broadcasted its monotone voice into their comm "Shepard-Commander, the Informant wishes to speak with you. Requesting your presence immediately."

Shepard nodded Garrus to go ahead with his plan. "I'm counting on you."

"Aye aye, Commander." The turian turned on his heel and disappeared around the corner, leaving them alone. She then concentrated on Thane who was lost in thoughts, eyeing him with concern "Thane. Look at me." When he didn't comply, Shepard attempted reason, but she had never been good at gathering broken pieces, and all she had ever offered was to protect whatever was left of him. It had seemed enough at the time, but some wounds just don't heal and the hole that was Irikah had once open been torn open. "It was self-defense, Thane. One would-"

He shook his head slowly and there was a frighteningly familiar icy calmness to his voice when he interrupted her "No, not self-defense. Reflexes," he stood up and took a deep breath, dropping his arms to his side "It is a sad universe we live in, Siha, where one's existence can be decided by how well he or she reacts at gunpoint."

"Thane…"

"His anger is justifiable and he sought to extract revenge, just like I did. But he does not have the same skills like I had, and it cost him his life…" he then bowed his head at her, his gaze never leaving the body "I would very much like to carry his body out of here."

"Where?"

"Anywhere else than here is fine. An alley, if you please. Just... let his body be found." At her dubious expression, he quickly added "After this, of course."

It was her turn to take on a grave expression when she crossed her arms and took a step closer to him "Thane, you once told me that you would follow me anywhere, even if it led to your downfall. I need you to tell me right now this won't be it... If you were to..." she trailed off, not wishing her words to sound like a bad omen.

"Do not worry siha. This will not hinder my performance. Let us move on."

"If you are certain…"

"I am." He sidestepped, inviting her to lead the way. And as he followed, he couldn't help but think of the young batarian. He had no difficulties imagining his son lying there instead; Kolyat, who almost followed in his footsteps and carried out his killings, to eventually be shot down in an desolate place, never to be found.

Shepard glanced at him worriedly but Thane kept his expression aloof and didn't dare tell her that he was unworthy of her concern; the batarian was a victim of a vicious cycle that never should have swept him in and his death elicited regret on his part, but a dark corner of his mind dared believe that in killing him, he had managed to save Kolyat and couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling that he finally reached the shore of after being adrift for so long. Irikah probably would have been disappointed of him and that thought hunted him more than anything. Carrying the body out in the open for it to be found would not be enough to wash away the disgust he felt within, but it was all he could think of.

He didn't ask the gods for forgiveness, willing to bear this sin as long as it kept Kolyat safe.

The ugly voice of reason asked him how many more times was he willing to repeat this. It seemed that his liaison with the Commander of the _Normandy_ has been leaked out in the open and it was a perfect opportunity for old scores to be settled against him. And with his barely mended relationship with Kolyat, he can't think of a suitable explanation to get his son to safety without dabbing onto old wounds. And Shepard...

He shot a quick look at his siha, who has joined Mordin and knelt down next to their battered informer. A sense of dread invaded him at the thought of having to part from her in order to keep her safe, but memories of them lying together, basked in the blue light of the aquarium in her quarters, tangled limbs and muffled laughs made him willing to risk everything.

_I will not so readily give up my life, knowing that it is not mine alone to live... I'll live for you, Thane. So stay, with me._

Whatever grace was given to him by the godess Arashu, he would hope that she would also bid her divine protection to the warrior-angel that had woken him up from his long battle sleep.


End file.
